Pink October

I've always associated ribbons with awards and gifts. The last time I won a ribbon was on a Halloween about 25 years ago for Best Costume (Cleopatra, but it was fixed because my boyfriend was a judge hoping to get 'lucky'). I think I still have the tacky orange and black thing crushed in between a pair of shoulder pads and some leather-lace combo a la Madonna. But in January of this year, I became eligible for The Pink Ribbon when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Amazing how the stuff used to wrap presents has become the symbol of a terrifying disease, a delicate shade of pink now the color of FIGHT. And I am guilty of wearing the ribbon every October and believing it could never happen to me.

To say that breast cancer changes your life is an understatement. The day I got the news, I was convinced it was a mistake. There hasn't been one case of breast cancer in my family, I did monthly self exams and faithfully had yearly mammograms, so how was it possible that I had it? I had a biopsy, because that's what your supposed to do,still convinced that whatever was in there would just be a benign fatty cyst. But it wasn't. And I heard the only three words a woman dreads: You have cancer.

Over the last 9 months, my happy, predictable life was out of control and I couldn't find any kind of outlet; surprisingly, there aren't any support groups in my area and, to be honest, I just couldn't summon the courage to join an online group. These women were dealing with the effects of chemo and radiation, the possibility of death. Their strength intimidated me and I couldn't handle those realities yet. So, I've decided to write about it. Writing has always been the most cathartic way to help me make sense of situations that seem insurmountable. My intention for this blog is to share my experiences and feelings as I go through this...mindboggling journey. And if there's one woman who can identify with any of this, find relief , my prayers are answered.

The subject of my next post will include a few of the positive surprises I had that not only made me laugh, but gave me something to look forward to...well, more specifically, who. Imagine that your surgeon is the real "McDreamy"...Oh ladies, you have no idea!

STAY PINK